Walls Instead of Bridges
by Chance2
Summary: Teyla can feel the rest of the team drifting away from her. Teamfic. Written for the sga genficathon.


_People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. - Joseph Fort Newton  
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It did not take Teyla long to realize that her teammates were avoiding her. They were polite, but distant, friendly but strangely absent. During her month of maternity leave, she was so preoccupied with her new son and acclimating herself to being a mother that she hardly noticed when days would pass without seeing one of her teammates for more than five minutes. Before her pregnancy she would have personally headed up a search op if an hour had gone by without seeing them or the havoc they more than occasionally wrought. But there was a new (and rather demanding) addition in her life, and there were her newly recovered people to think of as well.

It was not until a few weeks after she was supposed to return to active duty that she realized she was far from actually being on active duty. She had been attending the weekly staff meetings since she was discharged from the infirmary following the birth of her son, and she had been included in almost all of the briefings, by her physical presence, emailed minutes, or word of mouth, but she was not going on missions.

She was not really bothered at first; there was plenty to do in the city or on the Athosian's new home planet, but she soon began to miss the camaraderie that came with being an active member of an expedition team. More than that, she missed her friends. Lately, it seemed like they made themselves scarce whenever she came near. It made her wonder if they are more bothered by her new role than they let on.

Teyla realized just how bad it must be when she saw the surprise on her teammates faces as she sat down at their table during breakfast.

"Teyla," John said, exchanging a look with Rodney. "Hey."

"Good morning," she replied. She tries to tell herself that the awkwardness is only in her head, but she knows it is not.

"Haven't seen you here in awhile," John commented.

"Yeah, where's the little guy?" Rodney asked, not bothering to tear his attention away from his breakfast.

"Mila is watching him," she replied, although she realized that probably none of them knew of whom she spoke.

True to form, Rodney looked up with a blank expression. "Who?"

"One of my people who has agreed to watch Torren when I require it," Teyla said with a barely suppressed sigh. "She has been living on Atlantis for two weeks."

Rodney stopped eating briefly to look at John with an expression of incomprehension. "Really?"

"Little thing?" John asked, holding his hand up to mark what he thought of as little, although not tall enough to constitute a young adult woman. "Blonde? Keeps giving the Marines dirty looks and a wide berth?"

Teyla nodded her assent, and Ronon said with more sensitivity, "She's Karik's daughter, isn't she?"

"How does he know that?" Rodney muttered.

"I'm friendly," Ronon replied with a wolfish grin.

John glanced quickly at his watch, but not so surreptitiously that Teyla did not notice. "Uh, I think I'm gonna head back." He stood up and looked pointedly at Rodney and Ronon. "You guys done?"

"Um, sure," Rodney said, and Ronon nodded, stuffing one last piece of toast in his mouth.

"Are you going off-world?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah, we're going with Lorne's team on a follow-up visit to MG4-588. Lorne's team is taking point on this, we're just gonna be along for the ride."

"Oh," Teyla said, hoping that her disappointment was not obvious. "Have a good journey and a safe return."

She watched them leave, talking in hushed tones, and tried to convince herself that the pit in her stomach was because of the egg substitute the kitchen was serving and not because she was watching her team walk away without her.

* * *

"Teyla," Mr. Woolsey said with some surprise when Teyla walked into the Control Room. "I thought you were going off-world with the others."

Teyla shook her head as she stood on the balcony overlooking the Gate room. Ronon glanced up and waved once before he followed John and Rodney through the event horizon. After the Gate shut down, she glanced back at Woolsey. "Colonel Sheppard said that they were only going as back up for Major Lorne's team." She paused momentarily, and then said, "It was decided that I was not needed on this trip."

Woolsey frowned. "I don't know that 'need' has anything to do with it. You're on active duty, your team is going off-world, ergo you go off-world." He smiled wryly and added, "Besides, knowing the Colonel's record, they could probably use your help."

Woolsey glanced around the room then took a step closer. "Is there a problem that I should know about?"

"If there is, then I am also unaware of it," Teyla lied. It surprised her that Mr. Woolsey of all people was championing her place on Colonel Sheppard's team. But that surprise was accompanied by hurt to know that Woolsey could see that she was a valuable asset and John no longer thought she was.

Woolsey looked suspicious, but did not press the issue, and Teyla politely excused herself. Self-pity was a luxury she had never been able to afford.

* * *

"I think she's pissed off at us," Rodney said, trailing a few feet behind Colonel Sheppard and Ronon.

Sheppard made a noise that could have been agreement or could have been him clearing a tickle in his throat. Rodney never claimed to be good at nuances.

"She's not mad," said Ronon. Somewhere along the way he had acquired a long stick and was absentmindedly whacking it against the high reeds they passed. "She's hurt."

Rodney stared at the back of Ronon's head. "Since when did you become Dr. Phil?"

"Is that the new guy who took out my stitches?"

"That's _a_ Dr. Phil, not _the _Dr. Phil," Sheppard said, glaring over his shoulder at Rodney. "_The_ Dr. Phil gives relationship advice."

Ronon raised an eyebrow in the expression Rodney had come to know as 'What Is Wrong With You Earth People?' "To who?"

Sheppard shrugged. "People who need relationship advice."

"Why?"

"Why do people need relationship advice, or why does he give advice?"

"Both."

Rodney rolled his eyes and decided to put an end to the conversation before Sheppard broke down and explained the history of talk shows to Ronon, complete with a blow-by-blow of Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault. "What are you going to do?"

"Me? _We_ decided on this as a team," Sheppard argued, and started walking a little faster.

"No," Ronon said, easily keeping pace with Sheppard. "We decided this as you, me, and McKay. Not a team."

Sheppard slowed briefly to stare at him for a long moment and nearly toppled over a tree root in the process. He got his feet under him again and said, "I have to go talk to Lorne about…something. Ronon, make sure McKay doesn't wander away."

After Sheppard jogged to the front of the line where Lorne was conversing with their guide, Rodney squinted up at Ronon. "You _have_ been watching Dr. Phil, haven't you?"

* * *

After they returned from MG4-588, John found Teyla working out alone in the gym. "Wanna go a bout or two?"

"If you wish," she replied.

A few minutes in, after Teyla had gotten two hits to his thigh, she asked, "I trust your mission went well."

John ducked a blow. "It was a normal mission – Rodney irritated the locals, Lorne managed to smooth things over, and we brought back some exciting new vegetation for the botanists that will probably try to take over Atlantis in a day or two."

Teyla's lips quirked in a smile as she landed a blow to his shoulder. "Perhaps we should keep our bout short if you will be expected to save the city from certain destruction in a short time."

John flashed her a smile, but he was too busy trying not to get smacked in the head to appreciate her humor.

They kept their match short, and after they ended properly – touching foreheads in respect – John braved the question he'd been wanting to ask for half an hour: "Teyla, are we okay?"

"Why do you ask?" She didn't look at him, but instead concentrated on fishing her towel out of her bag.

"Rodney thought you might be a little angry. At us."

Teyla sighed and wiped off her face. "I am not certain, Colonel."

"If I've done anything," he started to say, but she cut him off.

"I was under the assumption that I was on active duty, but I have not gone off-world as part of your team in nearly a month."

"We were letting you have more time with Torren. I thought that's what you wanted."

She gave him a level stare that went on too long for comfort. "Letting me," she repeated, and John knew he had put his foot in it.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" she snapped. "You, Rodney, even Ronon – you have all been distant lately. If you no longer want me as a part of your team, you only had to say it."

John ran a hand distractedly through his hair. "That's not it, Teyla. I want you on this team, but you have other things to think about now. Torren's your priority, and that's cool. It's how it should be."

Teyla pursed her lips together. "What is your point, John?"

He took a seat on the bench, stretching his legs out in front of him. He could already feel a few sore spots. "We thought if you saw that we could do okay on missions without you, you wouldn't feel obligated to continue being on active duty. We didn't want to make you choose between the team and your son."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So you decided for me."

"Yes. I mean, no! Hell, I don't know."

Teyla stuffed her towel bag in her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She stalked out of the room, calling over her shoulder: "Then I suggest you figure it out."

* * *

Teyla answered the knock at her door to find Major Lorne there, geared up for a mission.

"Teyla," he said with a tense smile, "you busy?"

She shook her head. "I just put Torren down to sleep. Why? What has happened?"

"Colonel Sheppard and his…team – they've missed two scheduled check-ins. My team is going to check it out. Thought you might want to come along."

"Which planet?"

Lorne grimaced. "P1X-927."

Teyla couldn't help but laugh when she heard this.

"I'm sure you'll let me in later on the joke," Lorne said dryly.

"Forgive me, Evan," Teyla said, still chuckling. "It was a momentary aberration, but let me assure you that they are in little danger."

Lorne's brow furrowed. "If you say so. Still, getting them back to Atlantis would make me feel a hell of a lot better." He jerked a thumb down the hallway. "You want to come?"

Teyla smiled. "Yes, that would be best. Let me find Mila, and I will meet you in the Gate room."

"Twenty minutes," he said and jogged away.

* * *

"This is your fault," Rodney's voice roused John just as he was dozing off. He kept his eyes closed, hoping Rodney would think he was asleep and lay off the diatribe, but he knew Rodney was talking to him all the same.

He was just dozing off again when he felt someone poke him the shoulder twice. Rodney, again. "Did you hear me – this is your fault."

Enough was enough, John decided, and said, "Knock it off, McKay."

"It's no one's fault," he heard Ronon say. "And we've been worse off."

"Oh, yeah," Rodney said, sarcasm dripping from every word. "This jail cell is positively spa-like. We should get imprisoned here more often."

"No torture, no mind probes, and no alien possession," John argued, pushing himself up on his elbows. "I'm with Ronon – things could be a lot worse."

The outer door of the prison opened admitting a young woman who glared at them. She was followed in by Teyla, Lorne, and Sergeant Ramirez.

"Or not," John muttered.

The young Kalanen woman turned to Teyla and, with a flippant motion toward the team, said, "These are yours, then, Teyla?"

"Hey!" Rodney squawked indignantly.

Teyla threw him a warning look before she replied, "They are, Ila. Are they free to go?"

Ila sniffed. "Yes." She faced John, Rodney, and Ronon. "I'm certain you have learned your lesson."

"Lesson? What –"

John elbowed Rodney hard in the ribs, then nodded. "Yes, we have. Won't happen again."

Ila nodded, apparently satisfied. She motioned to the door, and the waiting guard unlocked the cell. John, Rodney, and Ronon obediently trooped out.

Teyla thanked Ila, and added, "I am sorry to have missed your mother. Please give her my best regards when she returns."

"Of course."

Teyla turned to the group. "Come along."

John ambled up beside Lorne as they followed Teyla down the passageway. "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later, sir," Lorne said. He met John's eyes then looked very pointedly at Teyla's back.

"Clap trap?"

"Would be best, sir."

* * *

Rodney was the first to speak up once they were out of sight of the village. Teyla figured he would be. "What the hell was that? 'Are these yours?!' What kind of talk is that? What do I look like – a throw rug you bought at auction?"

Teyla, who had taken point, stopped walking and turned around to face them all. Lorne and his Marines inched passed her.

"We'll meet you at the gate," Lorne told Teyla. "We'll radio ahead that everything's all right."

"So you know the Kalanen," John said, and to his credit he looked appropriately sheepish.

"They are not regular trading partners, but I have transacted with them before," Teyla admitted. "Their _colnat_ is not unlike your rice."

John only got so far as saying "And" before he snapped his mouth shut. Teyla knew he had been about to say, "And you couldn't have warned us."

She smiled. She knew that smugness was an unpleasant quality, but she did not think she could help herself even for all of Atlantis. "And what? I did not tell you that the Kalanen are matriarchal, and view all male trading parties as an insult?" Her smile widened. "You did not ask."

"I told you this was your fault," Rodney hissed.

"So help me, Rodney, I will shoot you in the foot and let you hop home," John responded without much malice.

"May we proceed?" Teyla asked brightly, inclining her head toward the Gate. She felt better than she had in weeks, like the band that had been constricting her heart had been loosened.

John cocked his head to the side, studying her for a moment then nodded. "Let's go."

Teyla paused, letting Ronon and Rodney go first. Ronon winked as he passed, a smile playing on his lips. Rodney paused only long enough to grab her arm and give it a friendly, reassuring squeeze. She smiled at him – physicality from Rodney was rare, and she knew just how much it meant. He blushed, dropped her arm, and almost ran to catch up with Ronon.

She fell into step with John as they followed Rodney and Ronon toward the gate.

"Thanks," John said. "For getting us out of there."

"They would not have harmed you," she reassured him. "They would have kept you there for a few days on meager rations then released you."

"Yeah, but still. Thanks."

Teyla smiled at him. "You are welcome, John."

The smiled he returned was rueful. "This might be too little too late, but I'm sorry. For, well, everything. And I really do want you on active duty, I was just afraid you didn't want to."

Teyla sighed. "You are right, John – Torren is my priority now, but going off-world with the team is just as beneficial if not more so than staying at home with him. I am trying to make the galaxy a safer place. Where once I did it for myself and my people, now I do it for him." She paused, then said, "And I missed being part of an expedition team."

"You miss being shot at and visiting the occasional prison?"

"I missed the team."

John nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. He would probably never say it, but he knew exactly what she meant. They walked in silence for a while until John said, "So, are we okay now?"

Teyla remembered the look of embarrassment and slight panic on his face when she walked into the Kalanen prison. It was wrong to gloat, but still…

She smiled. "Yes, I believe we might be."


End file.
